What Should I Ask a Therapist in My Initial Call?
Six tips when trying to find a therapist:
When you are in a position of needing help, it can be difficult to verbalize what you need or what you are looking for from a therapist. It's also possible that you may not even know what you need, you just know you need help. Whether this is your first time reaching out to a therapist or your tenth time, let's review some tips that might be helpful to structure your first contact with a therapist. Before we dive in, I should note that my hope is to share some strategies that go above and beyond the advice you would predict (i.e., look at the online profile of the therapist you are considering, read about their rate, availability, office location, background, or specialties, see if they offer in-person or telehealth sessions, ask close friends or family who they would recommend, etc). Although these are important steps to take, this post highlights more of the emotional and behavioral processes in "finding a fit" during your initial contact with a therapist.
Take the first step: I encourage you to lean into the uncomfortable feeling of requesting an appointment. I start with this encouragement first because I know many who postponed getting into therapy as this hurdle felt strange, awkward, or vulnerable. It is completely normal to feel a level of discomfort when making that initial call. Remind yourself that there are very important reasons you are looking for a therapist. You want some kind of healing, growth, education, comfort, or peace in your life. I also find the "if not now, then when" mantra helpful to consider with this step. Have you considered therapy for some time but never felt like it was the right time? Has life been busy and this task has remained unchecked on your to-do list? Schedule a date in your calendar, set an alarm or reminder, and carve out space and energy to take this step.
Goal setting: Take 5-10 minutes and ask yourself what your top goals are for therapy. Allow your goals to organically come to mind. Release any pressure you may be putting on yourself for your goals to be polished or concrete. Release any possible judgment or concern for how these goals may be perceived by others. If a goal-oriented mindset doesn't fit at this time, that is okay too; instead, try writing down the barriers you can identify that have prevented you from your "ideal" life, relationship, sleep, weight, etc. Write these down and have these in hand when you call.
Feedback: It can be important to reflect on how you prefer to receive feedback. Do you want feedback provided in a warm and supportive method or do you prefer more of a straightforward or "give it to me straight" type of approach? If it is difficult to decipher this, think about a scenario in which you are receiving feedback from a supervisor or a close friend for example, how do you want that feedback to be presented to you?
Support and skills: From my perspective, there can be a spectrum in therapy that ranges from support to skills. On one end, it can be very helpful for a therapist to create a safe and non-judgmental space where the client leaves the session feeling heard and understood. On the other end, it is also helpful for a therapist to focus the session on strategies and skills consistent with the treatment plan. Often, a therapist will tailor their approach for each session within a balance from this spectrum; this can be a fluid process as client interests, motivations, symptoms, life circumstances, etc. can vary session by session. However, some therapists may describe their general therapeutic style as more support oriented or skill focused. Reading a therapist's profile or website can provide insight into where they may land on this spectrum. Keep an eye out for terms like "compassion", "safe space", or "solution focused" and "evidenced based strategies" to give you an idea of their style.
Ask for what you need: When you are speaking with a potential therapist, give yourself the permission to ask for what you need. This might look like, "I am struggling with ______, what is a typical treatment plan for this?", "what strategies would we go over when working on _____?", or "how have you helped others with ______?". Keep in mind that due to the brevity in this initial contact, a therapist may only share general ideas as it will likely take an intake evaluation to further customize a unique treatment plan; however, these responses will ideally begin to give you an idea of how this therapist might approach your care. Additionally, ask the therapist how they would describe their approach. If a therapist uses "psychobabble" terms such as cognitive-behavioral or acceptance-commitment therapy, or abbreviations such as DBT or EDMR; it is absolutely okay to ask for clarification on what does this mean and how would this shape the work that you would be doing.
What’s your gut telling you?: Lastly, one very important strategy is to check-in with your mind/body during and after your call. Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel "sense of fit"? Do you feel like you want to talk with this person again? What is your gut telling you about this possible fit? First impressions can be very important, and first impressions can also be ambiguous. Use your intuition on whether you feel this is enough of a fit to trial a session. Remember, that you should not have to work hard at "creating a fit" with your therapist. Yes, it helps the therapeutic process if both the client and the therapist are transparent, committed, motivated, etc; however, I don't think it is the client's responsibility to work hard towards establishing fit with a therapist. I want patients to find the best fit possible and if you are interested in connecting, please request an appointment below.
